A good opportunity or more than you need?
September 12 2017
I slept in my van in a 24hr Zehrs parking lot last night. I woke up at 7 and got ready - in the Zehrs bathroom- how glorious! As I was leaving, I saw a woman pushing a loaded cart, bags hanging off and she was most likely homeless. She pushed along the middle of the road making it near impossible to get around her, even as she waved me by. I stopped and rolled down my window and she said “Oh you’re from Ontario!” (she obviously noticed my licence plates) I said yes and she asked where I was going, to which I replied “Cape Breton”. She said “Ohhhh! I just got back from there!” I then offered her my heavy duty reusable grocery bags so her plastic bags didn’t continue to rip. She declined saying she had too much already. I suggested she put her plastic bags inside of them and again, she said no way, I have enough to carry already….but if you’re ever going up to Cape Breton again, let me know and I’ll come with you” I smiled and told her to have a nice day.
At first, I took rom this the sometimes even when presented to you, you can’t see the good opportunity you have. But as I was writing, I saw it another way. Maybe, just because a person doesn’t have “it all”, doesn’t mean they need more. Hmmm interesting.
I arrived in Baddeck and am staying in a little cabin in the woods. It’s all wooden and super cute. It’s 58 degrees and rainy- s I’m laying in bed, all snuggled up, reading The Alchemist. It’s SO in line with my current life, it’s crazy!
I went into “town” to Tom’s Pizza. I am IMPRESSED- it was great! Perfect saltiness to the cheese and crisp to the crust. I walked around a bit but no real exploring. I met a couple in Tom’s from Texas. They weren’t near the flooding but put their house off for sale before they left and it sold while they’ve been gone! They have two children and 3 grandchildren in Colorado so that’s where they plan to move. They asked me where I was staying and when I said I got a cabin, they also wee looking for a campground to stay at. As I was arriving back, they were in front of me. I joked inside that I should get a referral discount!
I’m going to try to make a fire tonight.
The two cabins closest to me have young couples in them. I think this is where I start to feel a little lonely.
8pm- HA! OMG trying to get a fire going- I must’ve looked like a crazy person! I can’t get it- try and try- so frustrated I sat down. Trying not to cry - but out of irritation that I don’t know how to build a freaking fire! Finally, people across from me, watching me struggle, came over with a fire starting log. Then my lighter died. So I’m searching the van….FOUND IT! So guess who FINALLY got the goddamn fire going!? ME! What an ordeal.
1am- I woke up from a haunting nightmare - I can’t really recall what it was about- I know I couldn’t close my eyes. It was so unsettling. Im in a cabin, in the woods, alone….I felt safer and less scared sleeping my van!
I’m starting to anticipate going home. Back to reality. The stuff I have to do and deal with that I don’t want to- the flood, the studio, the house, work….
Quitting veterinary medicine is an extremely hard concept. It’s my entire adult life. I LOVE what I do, but I can’t keep doing it and being a single mom and handle the work AND home stress. I had an easier time quitting my first clinic, probably because of the toxicity, than I do now. I just HATE the thought of disappointing people and don’t want anyone to hate me. That’s the hard part- worrying about Bob & May’s feelings towards me and being a disappointment to Lisa. Never living up to my amazing reputation-at least in my eyes.
But it’s where life is leading me. I’m so grateful that I get child support without an issue. It helps me have some freedom of choice withy working situation. I cannot imagine HAVING to stay so unhappy in my job that it' no longer fulfills me.
I will miss veterinary medicine absolutely. But the undervaluement is ridiculous and with minimum wage going up, why bust my ass and stress over a couple dollars more than minimum wage??
I need to reduce the stress that I can in order to handle the stress I can’t reduce. I know I will be a better mom because of it, and ultimately that’s what drives me.
Nope. This job with the hair boutique sounds appealing- social. fun. exciting. new. carefree. My entire life has changed, might as well follow this pattern of change and do something to better it that I CHOOSE.
