Penny For My Thoughts…
Another real excerpt from my own journal on my “journey to myself”
September 11, 2017 Point Pleasant Park, Nova Scotia.
My anxiety comes from a fear of disappointing people, from a fear of people. Don't see how hard I try, or how good I am at something and judging me for it.
My anxiety comes from a fear of what ifs.
My anxiety comes from a fear of being labelled
I worry about peoples perceptions of me. Not of how I may look, or the things I may do, but their perception of my heart and fundamentally who I am.
I worry about not being a good person
I worry about my trust in other peoples intentions, because I believe everyone’s intentions come from a pure place, will one day hurt me.
I trust that others are guided with their pure heart as I am in all that I do.
Not everyone wears their heart on their sleeve like me
Not everyone can express their thoughts and feelings like I can
I cannot feel less loved or admired simply because someone doesn’t say it
I must also recognize each persons way of showing their care - not just words
If I were to say all that comes to mine, I would scare people wth too much love or too much disdain.
Just because someone looks my way, does not mean they are judging me.
I must be the example of love and warmth for my children to model after
I can’t stifle my feelings or thoughts simply because of someones reasons to what is “socially acceptable”
I feel the last few days were a blip in my trip as far as emotions. I am going to try really hard not to allow myself to be altered by someone else’s actions, or lack thereof. Initially, I felt if someone can be cruel who knows me so well, no chance should be given to someone else to hurt me. But that’s silly. I’m a trusting person-sometimes that burns me- but often it opens me up to a world I would have otherwise never seen or shut out. I can’t stop being a trusting empath simply because a few people who hurt me. The world is vast and in general, people seem well intentioned. So I will continue on as I am.
Every journey leads me to the next- each with a specific intention for my life. In life, there are no chance encounters but a series of encounters meant to push you to the next part of your life.
Do not ignore those steps.
It’s who you are.
